Avenue N
by Midna Hytwilian
Summary: What goes on Avenue N? Parodies of the songs to fit LoZ.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own just as much as you do, that would be nothing.

A/N: It had to be done. Song-fic, oneshot.

The song is from Avenue Q!

* * *

"Morning, Zant!" Princess Zelda waved to the Twili standing outside looking at his newspaper.

"Hi Zelda-san." Zant waved.

"How is life?"

"Disappointing."

"What's the matter?"

"Nintendo killed me off."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Me, too! I mean, look at me! I'm three years out of my first debut and I always thought-"

"What?"

"No, it sounds stupid."

"Aww, come on!"

"A big dancer on late night TV! But now I'm thirty-two and as you can see, I'm not."

"Nope!"

"Oh well! It sucks to be me!"

"Noo," She tried convincing him.

"It sucks to be me!"

"Noo."

"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three! It sucks to be me!"

"Oh, you think your life _sucks_?"

"I think so."

"Your problems aren't so bad! I'm kind of pretty and pretty damn smart."

"You are."

"Thanks! I like amazing things, like magic and tragic legends. And as you know I'm good at enchanting, so why, do I always get kidnapped?! FUCK! It sucks to be me!"

"Me too!"

"It sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me! It sucks to be Zant-"

"And Zelda."

"To not have a job!"

"To not kick ass!"

"It sucks to be me!" The two shouted in unison.

"Hey, Blue, Green, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?" Zant questioned the two boys who were walking out of their apartment, shouting.

"Certaintly." Blue nodded.

"Whose life sucks more...? Zant's or mine?" Zelda asked.

"OURS!"

"We live together." Blue pointed out.

"We're as close as clones can get." Green stated.

"We've been the best of buddies..."

"Ever since the day we split!"

"So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset! Oh, everyday is an aggrivation."

"Come on, that's an exaggeration!"

"You yell at me and put your feet on my chair."

"Oh yeah? You do such anal things, like ironing your underwear!"

Zelda and Zant giggled.

"You make that very small apartment we share a hell!"

"So do you, that's why I'm in hell, too!"

"It sucks to be me!"

"No, it sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me!" Zelda interrupted.

"It sucks to be me!" Zant coaxed.

"Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be?!" All four of them screamed in unison.

"Why are you all so happy?" Midna questioned.

"Because our lives suck." Green informed her.

"Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? HA! I coming to this country for revenge and oppurtunities. Tried to work in Hylian Deli, but I am Twili! But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees...IN SOCIAL WORK! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients. And I have an unemployed fiance-" She gestured to her fiance who was currently walking outside. "-and we have lots a bills to pay! It suck to be me, it suck to be me, I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-SUCK! It suck to be me!"

"Excuse me?" Ralph walked up to them.

"Hey there." Zant nodded towards him.

"Sorry to bother you, but I am looking for a place to live."

"Why you looking all the way out here?" Midna yawned as she wrapped her arms around Link and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I started at Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper! Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!"

"You need to talk to the superintendent. Let me get him."

"Gee, thanks!"

"YO, VAATI!" Zant called out from where he stood, thus waking up half of the residents on the avenue.

"I'M COMING, I'M COMING!"

"OH MY GODS, IT'S VAATI!"

"Yes I am. I'm Vaati from GBA's Minish Cap. I made a lot of rupees that got stolen by Ezlo. Now I'm broke and the butt of everyone's jokes. But I'm here- the superintendent on Avenue N!"

"It sucks to be you." They all stated.

"You win!" Zelda clapped lightly.

"It sucks to be you." They repeated.

"I feel better now!" Zant grinned.

"Try having people stopping you to shout 'To Stone With You, Vaati!'"

They furrowed their eyebrows and stared at him in confussion.

"It gets old." The Wind Mage sighed exasperated.

"It sucks to be you." Navi squeaked.

"On Avenue N."

"Sucks to be me!" "On Avenue N."

"Sucks to be you!" "On Avenue N."

"Sucks to be us!"

"But not when we're together. We're together here on Avenue N! We live on Avenue N! Our friends do, too! 'Til our dreams come true, we live on Avenue N!"

"This is real life!" Ralph cheered.

"We live on Avenue N!"

"You're going to love it here!" Blue smirked.

"We live on Avenue N!"

"Here's your keys." Vaati tiredly handed them over.

"WELCOME TO AVENUE N!"

"Would you all shut up, now, I was trying to sleep." Vaati glared at Zant inparticular.

* * *

A/N: I skipped BA in English. ^_^

Okay, so here's the list.

Brian=Zant and TP Link-I'm making Zant single.

Kate Monster=Zelda-san, I'm calling her Zelda-san because it gives her a second part to her name AND it's Japanese!

Nicky=Green

Rod=Blue

Christmas Eve: Midna

Princeton: Ralph

Gary Coldman: Vaati

XD You tell me that doesn't fit. Poor Vaati got screwed over. I'll be posting over parody versions.

Oh, it's Avenue N for Nintendo.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own just as much as you do, that would be nothing.

A/N: Oh dear Nayru, this is going to be fucking hillarious.

* * *

Blue sat in the living room pleasently. "Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Video Games of the 1980s." No clone to bother me. How could it get any better than this?"

"Oh, hi, Blue!" The door slammed shut behind Green.

"Hi, Green." Blue muttered through clenched teeth.

"Hey, Blue, you'll never guess what happened to me on the train this morning! This guy was smiling at me and talking to me." Green frailed his arms to express his excitement.

"That's very interesting." He replied sarcasticaly.

"He was being really friendly and I think he was coming onto me! I think he might have thought I was _gay_!"

Blue squirmed in his seat and coughed awkwardly. "Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care! What did you have for lunch today?"

Green frowned. "Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Bl-"

"I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read."

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Blue. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT, GREEN! THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER!" Blue shouted.

"Yeah, but..."

"OVER!"

"Well, okay, but just so you know...If you were gay, that'd be okay! I mean cause, hey, I'd like you anyway. Because you see, if you wore green, you'd would feel free to say that you were gay! But I'm not gay." He added quickly.

"Green, please! I'm trying to read..."

For a few seconds it was quiet and Blue glanced up from his book to see Green in his face. "WHAT?!"

"If you were queer-"

"UGH, GREEN!"

"I'd still be here!"

"Green, I'm trying to read this book."

"Year after year!"

"GREEN!"

"Because you're dear, to me."

"ARGH!"

"And I know that you..."

"What?"

"Would except me, too."

"I would?"

"If I told you today 'Hey, guess what, I'm gay!' but I'm not gay. I'm happy just being with you."

"Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Brothers...."

"So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with GUYS?!"

"GREEN THAT IS WRONG!"

"No it's not, if you were gay!"

"URGH!"

"I'd shout hooray!"

"I'm not listening!"

"And here I'd stay."

"LALALALA!" He plugged his ears with his fingers.

"But I wouldn't get in your way."

"AHHH!"

"You can count on me to always be your clone everyday! To tell you it's okay, you were just born that way. And as they say, it's in your DNA! YOU'RE GAY!"

"I AM NOT GAY!"

"If you were gay."

"AHH!" Blue passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own just as much as you do, that would be nothing.

A/N: Wahoo.

* * *

Ralph was walking the streets of Avenue N, looking around.

"Purpose, it's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass. Purpose, it keeps you going strong like a Goron with a full tank of rocks. Everyone else has a purpose, so what's mine?"

He bent over and picked a blue rupee off the ground. "Oh, look! Here's a rupee! It's from the year I was born! IT'S A SIGN! BA-BA-BA-BA DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO! I don't know how I know, but I'm gonna find my purpose. I don't know where I'm gonna look, but I'm gonna find my purpose. Gotta find out, don't wanna wait,got to make sure that my life will be great!Gotta find my purpose before it's too late. I'm gonna find my purpose!"

Ralph wandered into a park. "I'm gonna find my purpose. Could be far, could be near. Could take a week, a month, a year! At a job, or smoking 'magic' powder. Maybe at a pottery class! Could it be? Yes it could! Something's coming, something good! I'm gonna find my purpose! I'm gonna find my purpose! I'm gonna find it. What will it be? Where will it be? My purpose in life is a MYSTERY! Gotta find my purpose. Gotta find me. I'm gonna find my purpose! Purpose purpose PURPOSE! Yeah, yeah! I GOTTA FIND ME."

* * *

A/N: There wasn't much to change, safe for the 'magic' powder. ;D

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own just as much as you do, that would be nothing.

A/N: Haha, this is gonna be fun.

* * *

"Say, Zelda, can I ask you a question?" Ralph asked.

"Sure!"

"Well, you know Ganondorf-San upstairs?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, he's Ganondorf-San, and you're Zelda-San."

"Right."

"You're both royalty."

"Yeah."

"Are you two related?"

"WHAT?! Ralph, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!"

"Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!"

"Well, it is a touchy subject. No, not all royalty is related. What are you trying to say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?"

"No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist!"

"I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race."

"Well, look who's talking!"

"What do you mean?"

"What about that special royalty school you were talking about?"

"What about it?"

"Well, could someone like me join?"

"No, we don't want people like you."

"AHAHAHAA! YOU SEE? You're a little bit racist."

"Well, you're a little bit too." She pointed out.

"I guess we're both a little racist."

"Admitting is not easy to do!"

"But I guess it's true."

"Between you and me, I think..."

"Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find no one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face. Everyone makes judgments based on race." The two stated.

"Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from." Ralph shook his head.

"No!" Zelda-San shouted offended.

"No, just little judgments like thinking that Minish busboys should learn to speak godsdamn Hylian!" Ralph screamed.

"Right!"

"Everyone's a little bit racist today. So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay! Goron jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth. Don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them-So relax!" They laughed.

"All right, stop me if you've heard this one."

"Okay!"

"There's a plane going down and there's only one paracute. And there's a witch, a priest..."

"AND A MINISH GUY!"

"What are you talking about, Zelda!" Vaati stomped over.

"Uh..." She gulped.

"You were telling a Minish joke!"

"Well, sure, Vaati, a lot of people tell Minish jokes." Ralph shrugged.

"I don't."

"Well, of course you don't, you're Minish! But I bet you tell Wind Tribe jokes, right?" He winked.

"Well, sure I do! Those stupid Wind Tribe!" Vaati fell to the floor with laughter.

"Now, don't you think that a bit racist?" Ralph shook his head in mock shame.

"Well, damn, I guess you're right." Vaati stood back up.

"You're a little bit racist!" Zelda smirked.

"Well, you're a little bit, too!"

"We're all a little racist." Ralph continued.

"I think I would have to agree with you."

"We're glad you do!" Zelda and Ralph smiled in unison.

"It's sad but true! Everyone's a little bit racist, alright?"

"Alright!" Zelda nodded.

"Alright!" Ralph high-fived Vaati.

"Alright! Bigotry has never been exclusivly tall."

"If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong, maybe it would help us get along." They shrugged.

"Oh, Din, do I feel good!" Ralph yawned.

"Now there was a fine upstanding Minish girl!"

"Who?"

"Din."

"But, Vaati, Din was Hylian." Zelda stared at him oddly.

"No, Din was Minish."

"No, Din was Hylian."

"No, I'm pretty sure Din was Minish-"

"Guys, guys...Din was a Zora!" Ralph interrupted, causing the two to laugh uncontroubly.

"Hey, what are you guys laughing about?" Link walked over.

"Racisim!" Vaati choked out between laughter.

"Cool."

"LINK! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!" Midna screamed from inside her apartment.

"What's that mean?" Ralph furrowed his eyebrows.

"Um, recylables." Link rolled his eyes, the three began to laugh again. "HEY, DON'T LAUGH AT HER! How many languages do YOU speak?"

"Oh, come off it, Link. Everyone's a little bit racist." Zelda swept her hand in the air.

"I'm not!" He protested.

"Oh no?" The two males forked an eyebrow.

"Nope! How many Twilight wives have you got?"

"WHAT?! LINK!" Midna screamed, appearing next to him and grabbing him by the ear.

"Link, buddy, where have you been? The term is Twili-American." Ralph smirked.

"I know you are no intending to be but calling me Twilight-offensive to me!" Midna frowned.

"I'm sorry, honey, I love you." He kissed her cheek.

"And I love you." She sighed.

"But you're racist, too."

"Yes, I know. The Hylians have all the money and the Gerudo have all the power! And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!"

"Me too!" Ralph shouted.

"Me too!" Zelda shrieked.

"I can't even GET a taxi!" Vaati gritted his teeth.

"Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true. But everyone is just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, and everyone stopped being so PC ,maybe we could live in -harmony!" They wondered if it'd ever happen.

"Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!" Midna joked.

* * *

A/N: Those damn Zoras. XD

* * *


End file.
